Dear Michael C. Hall,
We need to talk. Listen, I am a huge fan. I love what you’re doing on Dexter, loved you in Six Feet Under, and while I’ve never gotten to see you on stage, I understand you’re quite the song and dance man, which is a huge plus in my book. So I am writing to you because I admire you. I think you are immensely talented. I also think you are immensely hot. I appreciate that Dexter has been known to walk around his apartment shirtless. And I appreciate that it cannot be easy to maintain such a well-toned body such as yours.
Since playing the uptight David Fisher on Six Feet Under, you have really mastered the scruff look. After all, it’s part of Harry’s Code that you look non-descript – not too neat, not too messy, right? You pull off the stubbly-scruffy look beautifully. No one can deny that.
The first time I saw that picture, my heart skipped a beat.
So, you’re a huge talent. You’re gorgeous. You’re dating a beautiful woman (albeit it’s a little odd as a viewer to see pictures of you with your TV-sister, but I also know that you’re, you know, actual people and not the characters you play). You’re on a hit show for which you’re critically acclaimed. So…why go and ruin it all (well, the looks part anyway) with this?
What the hell are you doing man? Are you in a play I don’t know about? Are you shooting a Western? What’s going on? I know it’s hiatus time for Dexter, and so maybe you want to experiment a little, but to actually go out in public with that thing on your face? I don’t understand. (And this is the least offensive picture I could fine.)
Listen, the thing is, there are very few men who can pull off the mustache. And if you’re Alex Trebek, Tom Selleck, Clark Gable, or anyone in the cast of Deadwood, then, fine. Mustache it up! But otherwise, you really just look creepy.
Please don’t hate me. I am telling you this as a fan. As someone who enjoys your performances and hopes to keep enjoying them for years to come. However, I have to warn you, if you keep with the moustache and wear it in your next film or television project? I’m not sure I could watch. (Unless, as I said before, you’re growing it because you’re in a Western.) Don’t let it come to that.
Sarah (on behalf of women all over the world)
Video of the Day:
This season of Dexter has gotten a lot of flak from the critics, but I’ve been enjoying the hell out of it. Here’s a scene from last week’s episode. I might be just a little afraid of Jimmy Smits now.
That is about as porn ‘stache as it gets. I hope he shaves it soon for your sake. 🙂