O Canada

Overheard at my apartment last night during the Vancouver opening ceremonies:

“Hey it’s that guy! You know, the guy who does all the sports stuff. What’s his name? You know, that guy?”

“I hope this isn’t as scary as the Beijing opening ceremonies.”

“They’re called Aborigines in Canada? Huh.”

“Did you know ‘origin’ is in the word Aborigines? I didn’t until I just typed it.”

“Look at that old lady dancing with the Aborigines. She looks so happy.”

“What’s the name of that guy? That sports guy…”

“Where are the Russians? They’re going to be hot.”

“Wow, he’s hot.”

“Wow, she’s hot.”

“You know, for the most part, Olympians are really good looking. I never realized that until tonight.”

“HA! Those look like chef pants.”

“It’s Istanbul, not Constantinople.”

“You really dig facial hair, huh?”

“Hey, look at that guy on the sidelines – he’s doing the Carlton dance!”

“BOB COSTAS!”

“Oh, Canada.”

“This is the worst song ever written. These lyrics are ridiculous.”

“They should have gotten Bryan Adams and Celine Dion to sing this.”
“That wouldn’t make this song any better.”

“This guy is just a Bryan Adams soundalike.”

“What?? What happened to Bryan Adams? That’s really him?”

“I don’t get this song choice. It’s beautiful, but it’s about looking back on all your failed relationships and giving up on love. Just because the word ‘cloud’ is in it doesn’t make it about the Plains. Silly Canada.”

“Wow, K.D. Lang is really rocking ‘Hallelujah.’ I forgot she’s actually a great singer.”

“Sarah McLachlan is Canadian? Huh.”

“This reminds me of a school assembly. I bet it’s really great if you’re there, but it’s not translating to TV. Oh, Canada.”

“So on How I Met Your Mother, there’s a character whose Canadian, and they take every opportunity to make fun of it.”
“That’s because it never gets old.”
“Y’know, it really doesn’t… Canada.”

“Uhoh, someone’s getting fired. Wayne Gretsky looks pissed.”

“Poor Canada. They got so far and failed at the climax. They remain the world’s punch line.”

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